Evil, Evil Gluten

While I was at the leadership conference, I was able to eat gluten-free, thanks to the catering staff. I didn't realize that the special piece of paper in my name tag was to tell the staff that I need to have gluten-free meals until halfway through the conference. I felt a bit pretentious having special food made for me, but it was nice to not have to worry. Despite their efforts at keeping me healthy, I 'glutened' myself anyway. We went to the hotel bar and I had one drink too many, which impaired my judgement. One of my friends asked the bartender to bring something over for us to snack on. After he set the pretzels on the table, I grabbed a few and ate them. I suddenly realized that I could not eat them, but it was too late. (I'm still shaking my head and rolling my eyes at myself!) Needless to say, I'm itching again still. Thankfully, my legs are almost entirely healed, but now the rash is on my back and palms of my hands. Ack! I also 'glutened' myself yesterday by drinking a flavored water. When will I ever learn to read every label?!

I'm taking Clomid now, which is always a delight. Actually, this round hasn't been too bad thus far. I've had a few hot flashes, but it has been so hot outside that sometimes it is hard to tell if it is the meds or the weather. I'm hoping so much to get pregnant this cycle. I would be due toward the latter part of May, which would be perfect. I was also due with the baby we lost in mid-May, so it would be nice to have a happy reminder in May. No pressure, though. *sigh*

A Learning Experience

This isn't related to this blog, but I wanted to write my feelings out about my experience early this week. I attended a leadership conference with a group from my church. I learned a lot about leadership, including one definition, "leadership is the ability to disappoint people at an acceptable rate." I thought that was very interesting...and also very true.

I also learned a lot about myself on our trip. I had several people comment on things that I had said or done, which was very much out of the ordinary for me. In fact, I laughed so hard that I cried about how ridiculous it was. I tend to think of myself as a wallflower who people do not pay much attention to. However, I feel now that people may actually be listening. As I said in the conference, that is a great tool to have for leadership, but also adds some pressure! I was also given probably the biggest compliments of my life there, which certainly made me feel good. I don't typically have much self-confidence, and this week gave me a little more. I hope it can stay now that I'm back in the real world.

Feeling Defeated

Yesterday, I had my two-week follow up with my MD. I told him that I have felt so much better being gluten-free. My joints no longer hurt, my rash was clearing up, and I generally have more energy than I can ever remember. I also told him that I ate some Arby's fries coating in flour on Thursday and immediately broke out in a red, itchy rash on my hands. I also felt as though I had taken a sedative and my tongue went numb. He looked and me and said, "Hmmm. Well, your blood test was negative." He said that he doesn't know what is wrong with me and suggested that I get a Cortisone shot to clear up my rash's reappearance.

I am very frustrated that it seems he didn't hear what I told him about my absence of symptoms and then sudden reaction when I ate something containing gluten. Just because my blood test was negative, doesn't mean my symptoms don't mean anything. I've read many times that if dermatitis herpatiformus is present, a blood test may be negative, because the antibodies are in the skin, rather than in the blood stream. I said before that I didn't care what the blood results were, but it would have been nice to have validation. I don't think my doctor will take what I'm feeling seriously since it isn't show in the lab work. :( I wish he would have at least said, "If being gluten-free makes you feel better, then stay gluten-free." He didn't even acknowledge what I've been doing.

On the reproductive front, my period showed up around midnight last night. (Not sure why my fertility friend ticker is wrong, here). I'm glad to be moving on to the next cycle. I'm going to remain gluten-free and make sure we TTC as much as possible between CD 12 and CD 16. Get ready, Husband! :)

Progesterone Check

Today, I had my blood drawn for a progesterone check. I hope that my numbers are high, indicating that I ovulated with the assistance of Clomid.

I've continued my gluten-free diet and am noticing a difference in how I feel. My hands no longer hurt in the morning, but they are still a bit weak. I must have accidentally eaten gluten a couple of days ago, because yesterday my rash got worse again...and I spent a lot of time in the bathroom. Regardless of what my blood tests show, I will remain gluten-free. I've heard and read time and time again that people with celiac disease do not always have dermatitis herpatiformus, but nearly everyone with dermatitis herpatiformus have celiac. That, coupled with the difference I've noticed in myself in just the past week, is enough to convince me that gluten is the enemy.

I've been dealing with a wide range of emotions lately. I'm very, very sad to be giving up gluten. I knew that I was a carb-loving girl, but I had no idea just how much I relied on gluten-products to keep me happy. There are alternatives, but none that I've found so far are as good as the 'real' thing. I'll learn to like what I'm eating, though, if it is for the greater good of my overall health. Thankfully, the internet is a great source of information and resources!

Going Gluten-Free

Today, I had an appointment with MD. I talked to him about my joint problems, my rash, and my infertility and miscarraige. One of my husband's coworker's kids were just diagnosed with Celiac Disease, and my symptoms sound very similar to theirs. My doctor said that my rash is a combination of eczema (which I knew I had) and Dermatitus Herpetiformus. The DH is related to Celiac Disease, or at the very least, a gluten intolerance.

So, as I await my test results, I am going on a gluten-free diet. If I have CD, it is a possiblity that eliminating gluten from my diet will be a cure-all for my problems...including infertility.

I'm sad about cutting out some of the foods that I enjoy so much, but if it makes me feel better and allows me to get and stay pregnant, I'm all for it.

A Song for Our Angel Baby

I have a mix CD in my car at the moment that I switch over to when there is nothing good on the radio.  There are several Josh Groban songs on it.  One is my inspirational song.  This, however, is my song (of late) for our angel baby.  This was the best recording of it that I could find.

Sabotage!

Disclaimer: This post will contain TMI.  You have been warned!

It will be a miracle if I become pregnant this cycle.  I feel like Fate is trying to intervene so that I don't get knocked up!

First, I have a horrible rash of some sort all over my legs.  It spread to my throat and arms.  It isn't attractive and it hurts and itches at the same time.  Then, I discovered that I have a yeast infection.  It is on it's way out, but that, coupled with Clomid, dries everything out.  I ordered some Pre-Seed to help with the issue, but it has yet to arrive.  (It says it shipped on the 12th...from Missouri.  It should have been here by the 14th.  Grrr).  So, I sought the advice of women in a similar situation as me.  They recommended that I drink green tea like crazy.  I happened to have some in the cabinet, so I immediately starting drinking it yesterday afternoon.  I think that I had 6 glasses from 3 pm until about 10 pm.  That was a mistake!  I was so ramped up on all of the caffeine that I didn't sleep at all last night.  I told my husband that I'd like to BD this morning before he left for work (he works 24 hour shifts), but we were both completely exhausted from not sleeping.  I must have kept him up with my tossing and turning.  Add in that our daughter came to bed with us some time this morning, and it feels almost hopeless.  I took my temp this morning after a couple of hours of sleep, and it was way out of the range of normal for me.  I'm not even going to count it.  :(

On the positive side, I'm hoping to get a positive OPK today.  I've never had a positive before, so it gives me hope that things are shaping up in my body.  I've taken two in the past two days and there is a definite difference in the darkness of the second line.  (An OPK looks like a pregnancy test.  You will get two lines almost always, but the test line must be as dark or darker than the control to be considered a positive for ovulation).  Even if we don't get pregnant this month, maybe that means we can next month.