Hot Flashes

Hot flashes are highly annoying at any time, but hot flashes during the summer are torture.

May 12

May 12, 2010 was supposed to be my due date with Baby May (hence the nickname).  This year came and went without me noticing, surprisingly.  I just realized yesterday, despite the fact that May is significant in my timeline of life because of it.  I feel a little bit guilty, which might sound silly to you, but I know it is a step toward healing.  I don't want to forget (and I won't), but I also don't want to pine away for what wasn't meant to be for the rest of my life.

I'm over halfway finished with my fourth dosage of Clomid.  Contrary to what I thought, they did not increase my dosage.  I suppose that is because AF showed on time without any help from meds.  I hope that I ovulate this month, as looking at a chart like last cycle's leaves you feeling hopeless.

Good News/Bad News

The good news is that AF showed on its own today.  The bad news is that AF showed today...and that I didn't ovulate this cycle, even with Clomid.  I will be bumped up to 150 mg. this (new) cycle.  I'm hoping that my side effects won't be more than I can handle.  I had a rough go of them this past cycle.

Three more cycles left...then...????

Not Looking Any Better

Unfortunately, I think that this will be an anovulatory cycle.  I think this is the first time this has happened while taking Clomid, which is disheartening.  I just hope that AF shows up soon...and not another month from now.

Crappy Chart

Well, I thought CD 16 was ovulation day, for sure.  Unfortunately, my temps went back down.  If (and it feels like a big "if" right now) my temps go up tomorrow and continue to do so, today is ovulation day.  I can tell that ovulation is still looming since I don't have my usual post-O symptoms.  I don't think I've ever ovulated this late--on my own or otherwise.  I'm not holding my breath.

I'm beginning to feel (again) that the only way we'll have another child is through adoption.  I just don't know if we have the resources or emotional storehouse for it anymore.  :(

Changes to the Blog and an Update

A couple of weeks ago, I disabled public viewing of my blog.  An HR person from a big school district came to speak at my university and warned everyone with a blog to be very cautious.  He said that parents and administrators can become bent out of shape over postings that the blogger may not feel are offensive.  Since my blog has a lot of personal and probably TMI info, I decided to suspend it.  Then, a friend emailed me and asked if she needed a password and said that she reads my blog often.  Sooo, I decided to put it back up.  However, you can no longer find my blog via search engine and I *think* I removed it from Blogger's directory.  Therefore, my view count has dropped significantly.  That's okay.  This is most a catharsis and record for myself and for a few of my loyal "fans."  :)

As far as my cycle is concerned...my temp dropped significantly yesterday and came back up by an entire degree today.  Fake temps for the next few days reveal that today is O-day.  Yay for that!  I know that I hope every cycle is "it," I'm really, really hoping to be KU this cycle.  This round of Clomid has been nasty.  I've had every side-effect under the sun and they have been amplified.  The last day I was actually taking the pills, I felt sick to my stomach because the visual disturbances were so intense.  I want my days of Clomid to be behind me and have an excited outlook expecting a new member of our family.  Of course, I fully expect that I'll be writing this again next cycle, and the cycle after, and the cycle after that, ad nauseum.