A Little More Hope

Yesterday was a hard day for me.  I had another low temp which made me really upset.  I didn't want to get out of bed and I certainly did not want to go to church.  My husband essentially made me go, though, and I was mostly glad that I did.  After church, we went out to eat with some good friends from our church, which helped to lift my spirits some.  I still couldn't shake my blues completely, though.  I then went shopping with some gift cards that I got for Christmas.  I bought some new clothes and a big tote.  When I got home, I went to my closet and put all of my maternity clothes in the tote.  They have been hanging there since even before I got pregnant.  After I lost the baby, I couldn't bear to put them away.  Then, I was so hopeful for this cycle that I decided to just let them be.  I just can't hold onto false hope anymore for this cycle, though.  I hope it helps me to have them out of sight.

Today started like yesterday...crappy temps, which put me in a funk.  However, I started doing some research about why my temps may be so low at this point.  My friend and pastor has been telling me for several months now that she thinks I need to have my progesterone levels checked.  Wouldn't you know--everything I'm reading points to that exact cause.  Low progesterone could have also caused my miscarriage. I immediately put in a call to my doctor's office for a consultation.  Unfortunately, they can't get me in for a couple of weeks.  I hope that is enough time to not lose the next cycle, also.  In the meantime, I suppose I can hold out hope that my period will come on it's own.  I'm on cycle day 23 right now, so I hope it shows up in about a week or so.  It would be great to not have to delay things even further with Provera.

Probably a False Alarm

*Le sigh*  Sooo, my temperatures are not good.  They are suppose to dip down (usually signaling ovulation) and then rise by a lot and stay up if pregnancy occurred.  Well, mine dipped, but didn't come up much...and then dipped again.  We timed 'baby dancing' around the first dip, so if I ovulated later, we missed it.  Then again, this may turn out to be another cycle that I don't ovulate.  If that is the case, then I'm back on Clomid next month.  Ugh.  So bummed!

Apart from that--Merry Christmas!

Did That Really Happen?

According to my chart, I ovulated yesterday.  WOW!  For the first time in a year, my body did what it was supposed to, when it was supposed to.  I don't even know what to think of it.  I'm hopeful that I'll be making a very joyful announcement soon, but trying not to get my hopes up too much.  I'm just thrilled (at this point) that I was able to ovulate without the assistance of Clomid.  That in itself is a huge relief.

So now, I'm in what is commonly referred to as the 'two week wait'.  I'll be twiddling my thumbs, trying to stay occupied and not over analyze every little twinge or weird feeling I have!  Stay tuned...this could get interesting.

In Case You Were Wondering

I'm still here...still waiting.  I think that ovulation is upon us, so we just need to get busy.  :)

If you know anything about charting, there is a link to mine on this page.  Take a gander if you'd like.

I hope to have some super good news to share before very long!

On the Road Again

Today is CD (Cycle Day) 9.  I'm getting nearer to a potential ovulation and getting excited and anxious.  To prepare, I am taking my Dong Quoi, Chaseberry, and drinking pomegranate juice.  I've also been sure to take my multi-vitamin (with 100% recommended daily value of folic acid) every day.  I opted to try this cycle without Clomid.  I'm keeping track of my temperatures and will probably start using ovulation tests tomorrow.  If I ovulate on my own and do not get pregnant, we'll try again next month without Clomid.  However, if I do not ovulate, I'll request it again for next month cycle.  (Next month might be wishful thinking...my cycles have been super long for a year now.)  I didn't like how it made me feel and the complications I had with it, so I hope to avoid taking it again.

So, in the meantime, I'm waiting.  This entire process of trying to get pregnant is a waiting game--and it get very old, very quickly!

A Month of Anniversaries

December marks a lot of things for most people.  Namely, Christmas and New Year's Eve.  We also have two anniversaries this month.  One good, one a bit discouraging.

First, my husband and I started dating 9 years ago on December 12th.  (Don't ask me how I remember that date!)  I was a junior in high school, he was a senior.  We've been through so much in our near-decade together and we are nothing but stronger as a couple.  I am so thankful for that!

December also marks one year of trying to have another baby.  It is hard to believe that a year ago, I had no clue where our journey to try to have another baby would take us.  Crazy how life changes.

A Small Victory

Yesterday, "Aunt Flo" made an appearance.  I don't think I've ever had such strong, mixed feelings about a normal body function.  The good, obviously, is that my body is, hopefully, back on track and we have the potential to get pregnant again this month.  On the flip side, the last time I felt like this, I was miscarrying--that brings up some unpleasant memories.  I'm trying not to dwell too much on that fact, though, and am looking forward ad the positive.





...okay, so Christmas might be pushing it to get a BFP (Big Fat Postive), but one can hope, right?  :)

Like a Punch in the Gut

If you have read my whole blog, then you already know some of this, but I'll re-tell the details anyway.

I was taking Provera when I was very newly pregnant with the baby we lost.  However, I did not know that I was pregnant at the time.  I took a test before starting the medication and it was negative.  I made the mistake of taking the test in the middle of the afternoon instead of the morning, though.  (It is recommended to test first thing in the morning when the hormone level is in highest concentration).  I was just positive there was no way I was pregnant.  Afterall, I had a huge cyst on my ovary and my temperatures were crazy.  I took Provera for 10 days and then waited for my period to arrive.  11 days later, I was still waiting and took another pregnancy test--it was positive.  I was thrilled, but at the same time terrified since I had been taking the Provera.  My OB's nurse assured me that everything would be fine.  Obviously that was not the case.

Then, tonight, I was reading about Provera again.  I came across this information, and now can't shake the sick feeling I have in my stomach.  It makes me feel like I caused the loss of our baby.

Provera should never be taken during pregnancy. Avoid it if you even suspect you're pregnant. Doctors once prescribed Provera as a test for pregnancy, but no longer do so for 2 reasons:

• Quicker, safer pregnancy tests are now available.
• If you are in fact pregnant, Provera might injure the baby.

Similarly, Provera used to be given to try to prevent miscarriage. However, doctors now believe that this treatment is not only ineffective but also potentially harmful to the baby.

You should never take Provera during the first 4 months of pregnancy. During this formative period, even a few days of treatment with Provera might put your unborn baby at increased risk for birth defects. If you take Provera and later discover that you were pregnant when you took it, discuss this with your doctor right away.

Day #8

Two more days of Provera.  Bring it on!  I'm so ready.  In the meantime, while my body sits idle, here is a Calvin and Hobbes cartoon that sums the feelings of miscarriage up.  A lady on a message board I frequent has it in her 'signature,' and I just had to put it up here: