Unsure

My temps are telling me that I did not ovulate this cycle, but it is hard to tell.  My sleeping conditions and waking times varied greatly from the beginning of my cycle to around (expected) ovulation.  I should be temping still, but I have gotten lazy in the last few days.  I've essentially given up hope on this cycle, so I'm waiting for it to end.

We will probably actively try for another pregnancy until October, due to scheduling conflicts after that point.  ::sigh::

Day of Hope

I just found out that today is, "The Day of Hope." This was taken from http://august19thdayofhope.blogspot.com/


The Purpose of This Day
In society pregnancy, infant and child loss is seen as a taboo subject.

Why is this?

August 19th is a day to break down the walls of society that keep pregnancy, infant and child loss a hush hush subject. People view the death of a baby as just a sad thing that happened.

These babies that die are not sad things that happen. They are people, much loved and wanted children. They are brothers, sisters, nieces, nephews, grandsons and granddaughters.

August 19th is about openly speaking about these children and celebrating their short lives.

By having this special day once a year we get people speaking about pregnancy, infant and child loss. And by doing this we break those walls down so that people are not afraid to speak about these children anymore.


They provided these lovely images to be shared. I couldn't choose just one:

Visual Disturbances

Last night, I had something very strange happen. I went from a dark room to a bright one, and realized that something was wrong with my vision. It seemed as though my peripheral vision was in slow motion. I relaxed on the couch and everything returned to normal within about an hour. I went to bed later and realized that I needed to take my medicine, so I got up and went to the kitchen. When I turned the light on, the visual disturbance had returned, even stronger. I remembered that Clomid can cause this to happen. Generally, it is considered a bad side effect, but it did not last. So far, my vision has been normal today, but I haven't had any big changes in light like I did last night. Hopefully it was a fluke thing and will not return. If it does, I may not be able to take Clomid anymore. :(

Evil, Evil Gluten

While I was at the leadership conference, I was able to eat gluten-free, thanks to the catering staff. I didn't realize that the special piece of paper in my name tag was to tell the staff that I need to have gluten-free meals until halfway through the conference. I felt a bit pretentious having special food made for me, but it was nice to not have to worry. Despite their efforts at keeping me healthy, I 'glutened' myself anyway. We went to the hotel bar and I had one drink too many, which impaired my judgement. One of my friends asked the bartender to bring something over for us to snack on. After he set the pretzels on the table, I grabbed a few and ate them. I suddenly realized that I could not eat them, but it was too late. (I'm still shaking my head and rolling my eyes at myself!) Needless to say, I'm itching again still. Thankfully, my legs are almost entirely healed, but now the rash is on my back and palms of my hands. Ack! I also 'glutened' myself yesterday by drinking a flavored water. When will I ever learn to read every label?!

I'm taking Clomid now, which is always a delight. Actually, this round hasn't been too bad thus far. I've had a few hot flashes, but it has been so hot outside that sometimes it is hard to tell if it is the meds or the weather. I'm hoping so much to get pregnant this cycle. I would be due toward the latter part of May, which would be perfect. I was also due with the baby we lost in mid-May, so it would be nice to have a happy reminder in May. No pressure, though. *sigh*

A Learning Experience

This isn't related to this blog, but I wanted to write my feelings out about my experience early this week. I attended a leadership conference with a group from my church. I learned a lot about leadership, including one definition, "leadership is the ability to disappoint people at an acceptable rate." I thought that was very interesting...and also very true.

I also learned a lot about myself on our trip. I had several people comment on things that I had said or done, which was very much out of the ordinary for me. In fact, I laughed so hard that I cried about how ridiculous it was. I tend to think of myself as a wallflower who people do not pay much attention to. However, I feel now that people may actually be listening. As I said in the conference, that is a great tool to have for leadership, but also adds some pressure! I was also given probably the biggest compliments of my life there, which certainly made me feel good. I don't typically have much self-confidence, and this week gave me a little more. I hope it can stay now that I'm back in the real world.

Feeling Defeated

Yesterday, I had my two-week follow up with my MD. I told him that I have felt so much better being gluten-free. My joints no longer hurt, my rash was clearing up, and I generally have more energy than I can ever remember. I also told him that I ate some Arby's fries coating in flour on Thursday and immediately broke out in a red, itchy rash on my hands. I also felt as though I had taken a sedative and my tongue went numb. He looked and me and said, "Hmmm. Well, your blood test was negative." He said that he doesn't know what is wrong with me and suggested that I get a Cortisone shot to clear up my rash's reappearance.

I am very frustrated that it seems he didn't hear what I told him about my absence of symptoms and then sudden reaction when I ate something containing gluten. Just because my blood test was negative, doesn't mean my symptoms don't mean anything. I've read many times that if dermatitis herpatiformus is present, a blood test may be negative, because the antibodies are in the skin, rather than in the blood stream. I said before that I didn't care what the blood results were, but it would have been nice to have validation. I don't think my doctor will take what I'm feeling seriously since it isn't show in the lab work. :( I wish he would have at least said, "If being gluten-free makes you feel better, then stay gluten-free." He didn't even acknowledge what I've been doing.

On the reproductive front, my period showed up around midnight last night. (Not sure why my fertility friend ticker is wrong, here). I'm glad to be moving on to the next cycle. I'm going to remain gluten-free and make sure we TTC as much as possible between CD 12 and CD 16. Get ready, Husband! :)