On This Day, God Wants You to Know

I know these things are totally random and can probably apply to just about anyone, but they always seem to hit home for me.  This was mine for today:

On this day, God wants you to know

... that decision is only wishful thinking until you take that first irreversible step. You can tell yourself that you have already decided, that nothing now can stop you, but if that step backwards is so much safer than step forwards, what will hold you true to your path when the going gets tough? Sometimes, the right thing to do is to take that first irreversible step, the one after which you cannot go back. And now, for you, is one of those times.

Pressing On

My heart still isn't completely in it, but I am resolving to finish everything in our paperwork this week.  I am getting my TB test injection later this afternoon.  The only thing I won't have completed will be first aid certification, but the next class will not be until mid-April, so there isn't much I can do about it.

I've taken a bit of a deep breath over the porch situation.  I surveyed people's porches as I drove through our town yesterday, and well over half of them do not have any type of railing around them.  One of them is a state-licensed daycare (ie: their house also has to be licensed by the health department) and their porch is just as high off the ground as ours.  We will install handrails, probably sometime this week, but I'm no longer going to panic about the rest of the porch.  We still want to get it finished soon, but we will shop around to get the best deal.

Nothing New

I haven't been able to bring myself to do any more about adoption.  I'm still feel pretty bummed about it and doing paperwork or something else related just makes me feel more disappointed--like all the work may be in vain.  I'm probably just being whiny, but it is a tough place to be.  I hope to find a glimmer of hope somewhere soon.

Our social worker will be making another visit on March 31.

Sour Grapes

From Grapes of Wrath: “Strange things happen . . . some bitterly cruel and some so beautiful that faith is refired forever.”


I'm waiting on my faith the be 'refired forever' right now.  I haven't felt motivated to work on the baby bedding or do much else related to adoption since our last visit.  It just depresses me at this point.  I hate what this whole mess (from the beginning with IF) has done to my faith.  I try to be positive and hopeful, but we just keep getting kicked in the teeth.

Roadblock

What a day.  Our social worker came to visit us again today to do a 22-page survey.  Before she even stepped on the porch, she told us that we will need to have the construction completed before the health department comes to the house.  Our porch has been a long ongoing ordeal, which is a headache in itself.  Right now, it is a concrete slab with steps, but the flatwork was poorly done, so we've been attempting to get things straightened out before completing the work.  No contractors were willing to come out in the dead of winter that we are just coming out of, so it has been sitting unfinished.  Last time our social worker came to our house, she didn't mention anything about the porch.  She also indicated that the house wouldn't have to be perfect, but that is now not the case.  She assured us that the health department inspector was very nice and willing to work with us.  Now, it sounds that she is completely the opposite.  Everything will have to be perfect, or else we may not be licensed.

I'm feeling very frustrated and want to throw in the towel right now.  I can't imagine that we'll be able to get quotes and then someone out to do the job right away.  I don't want it just thrown together to have it done.  I want it to be a porch that will last for the life of the house.  Everything seemed to be going well and now...

::sigh::  Expletive, expletive, expletive.

Refreshing Inspiration

This afternoon, my advisor asked how our adoption process is going.  I shared with her that I have been frustrated that everything has to be so difficult, but we are pushing through.  I also told her about my hope, coupled with worry about being able to adopt a tiny baby.  She gave me this quote by the American mythologist, Joseph Campbell.  She said she wanted me to have it and share with my husband, because she knows that when people get wrapped up in the details and red tape of major life events, sometimes it is hard to stay inspired.  So true.  I thought it was very timely and poignant.

"Follow your bliss.
If you do follow your bliss,
you put yourself on a kind of track
that has been there all the while waiting for you,
and the life you ought to be living
is the one you are living.
When you can see that,
you begin to meet people
who are in the field of your bliss,
and they open the doors to you.
I say, follow your bliss and don't be afraid,
and doors will open
where you didn't know they were going to be.
If you follow your bliss,
doors will open for you that wouldn't have opened for anyone else."

Our Final Class!

Today was our last foster/adopt class!  We still have several steps to complete before we are licensed, including having our home certified by the health department, having a TB test, and finishing a bit of paperwork.  Our social worker will make another visit to our house in a week and a half to go over a home study survey.  It seems surreal that we have made it to this point.  I remember being so anxious to begin our class like it was yesterday.

Our daughter showed me just how excited she is to have a sibling yesterday.  I took her to Build-A-Bear for the first time (something she has been anticipating for some time).  She chose a bear and told me that she wanted to make it for her "new baby brother or baby sister."  She told the lady who put the stuffing in, also.  She put two hearts in the bear--one for her, and one for her future sibling and kissed them before putting them in.  I almost cried in the store, it was so sweet.