A Realization?

Everything happens for a reason.  That is my mantra time and time again, even if I don't see the reasoning right away.  (And even if I say it while barely believing it).

Today, I may have seen a reason for something that was kind of a bad situation.  I'm a second-time college student.  I became burned-out after going to college for 3 years with no summer breaks (took summer classes) and discouraged when spending the extra time in class didn't get me to my degree any faster.  I wasn't working while in school at that point, so we were extremely poor in addition.  So, I dropped out.  We got married and had our daughter.  About 2 1/2 years ago, I decided that I really did want to finish my degree, so I went back to school.  I've been taking classes online for 2 years and plan to start school on-campus in the fall.  I also plan on trying out for the choir.  They will be going to England to perform in the spring and I would love to go.  Then, reality sets in.  How can I juggle school and home, along with choir?  Not to mention how much less time I'd have once we have another baby.  I started beating myself (for the millionth time) about not finishing school the first time.

Then, it came to me.  Considering all the trouble we've had trying to have another baby--what if we'd waited to have our daughter?  It is a possibility that we may not be able to have another child.  If we had waited until now to try for our first--we may have been childless.  I believe our daughter was given to us, when she was given to us for a reason.  I can see that, now.  It took until today for me to see that.

I've also suddenly come to the realization that maybe we need to take a break.  Since I'm already on half of the medicine to get things going, we'll certainly still try this cycle.  If this one is not successful, I'm thinking about talking about going back on birth control for a few months.  Sometimes that helps to regulate cycles. 

So many things are in limbo right now for me, but I'm starting to get a slightly clearer picture of which path I should take.  Right now, I'm just praying for the ability to be satisfied with what I have and be ready to accept things as God's will, regardless of what I want and when I want it.