God: "In Case You Didn't Hear Me..."

In the last week or so, I have been inundated by all things adoption.

First, I contacted a pregnancy crisis center that also facilitates private adoptions.  We have their initial application sitting on our dining room table now.  They charge $500 for their processing fee, which I thought was reasonable, considering others we have researched. 

After posting a happy status on Facebook regarding our newfound information, I was contacted by three people with additional resources and/or advice.  One lady recently adopted and is a wealth of knowledge and contacts.  She knows of a couple of lawyers in a nearby city who do not charge to be on their "list," and another who charges $250.  She also had some great tips on how to navigate the system and offered to help in anyway she can.  Another has worked with various lawyers and is happy to help. Yet another offered the name of a person who has helped with adoptions and is gathering more information for us.  Also, my mom may have found a company that will match up to $2500 for us if we do a fund-raiser.

In the last two days, I attended a leadership training course.  I talked to one person about our desire to adopt and he pointed me toward the president of the organization who adopted two of his children.  I'm going to email him and get his perspective on things.

Tonight, I talked to someone to get ideas about fund-raising and she is going to dream up some things for us.  We were also told that we have access to a personal loan if a situation comes out of the blue before we have funds secured.

In sum, I think it is very clear that we are to adopt.  I don't think God could be any clearer in what His purpose is for us if He were standing in front of us, yelling.  And maybe He is.

So, in the next few months, we will be gathering information and resources and setting up a real game-plan.  We will figure out the best people to sign up with and then start to gather/raise funds.  A private adoption will cost us about $6000, so we have an uphill battle in that aspect.  I know that things will fall into place if this is truly what we are meant to do, though, so I'm trying not to worry too much about the money.

Please respond with any ideas that you may have.  We can use all the help we can get and any and all ideas will be greatly appreciated.  Thank you!

October 15

Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day.  I lit my candle twenty-one minutes ago in honor of Baby May.

Research

I subscribe to a newsletter published by www.celiac.com.  One of the articles in their newest newsletter discussed research on infertility related to Celiac disease.  The research wasn't conclusive, but it gave me a bit of hope.  Two statements jumped out at me amid the medical jargon:  Women who experience CD-related infertility tend to experience 1) increased infertility in the two years leading up to diagnosis and 2) increased fertility in the five years post-diagnosis--as in, fertility beyond that of women without CD.  Obviously the second half of the statement hasn't come to fruition for me, but it does give me something.

In other news, I am currently at CD 20.  If my body is working correctly, AF should show soon.  I'm hoping that if I am not pregnant, I at least get some closure sooner this cycle than last.

This was our last cycle actively TTC until late March or April.  I will be student teaching in the fall and it wouldn't be prudent to give birth in the middle of that semester.  March would give us a December baby...right around graduation.  Again, I'm NOT holding my breath.

Small Update

This time of year is difficult for me. The two year anniversary of the loss of our baby because of my Celiac disease is rapidly approaching...on my birthday. Last night, I cried myself to sleep thinking about our baby and the terrible time we've had TTC for the past three years. I prayed that I either can feel peace in never having another child or reassurance and patience that we WILL have another. This afternoon, we went to my mom's for lunch. Someone asked her if we still want to adopt. She said that we certainly do, so the lady mailed her a pamphlet to give me. It is for an organization that helps pregnant women make decisions about abortion, adoption, or keeping their baby. They also help to facilitate private adoptions. I sent them an email right away to get more info about becoming a potential adoptive family. I don't know if this is supposed to be a sign or answer to my prayer, but I will take what I can get at this point!

Daughter

And he said to her, “Daughter, your faith has made you well; go in peace, and be healed of your disease.”


Today was my university's opening church service.  The message by the pastor was centered around this verse.  It struck me and brought tears to my eyes.  The woman in the story suffered for twelve years and was miraculously healed because of her faith.

My husband and I decided to try for a baby on our own again seriously this cycle.  My last cycle was text-book, which is fantastic for me.  If we were somehow able to get pregnant, we would be due in May.  An early summer baby would be perfect so that I could have three months at home before student teaching in the fall and not "interfere" much with the spring semester.  Of course, "the best laid schemes of mice and men / Go oft awry."  We'll give it our best shot and have faith that we will be holding another baby of our own soon.  I can't wait.  The hubs can't wait.  Our daughter can't wait.
I must have faith.

Being Thrust Back Into Adoption

Last week, we unexpectedly received a phone call from a lawyer we know well.  He said that he know of a potential private adoption for us, but it didn't sound like it would come to fruition   However, he asked if we were interested in private adoption.  I told him that we are, and he said that there are cases that come in to him with some frequency.  He said he would let us know if he hears of something that sounds like it has potential.  The same day, a friend told me of another potential private adoption situation.  Two days later, another friend told me about another potential situation!

We have had a few situations come up before and obviously nothing came of them.  I don't know if anything will happen with the two specific babies that we know of at the moment, but it certainly feels like this is what God is telling us we will do.  Unlike trying to get pregnant month after month, year after year, every new adoption possibility gives me hope that we will bring home a baby someday soon.

More

I am taking two classes this summer (Spanish I followed by Spanish II).  This afternoon, I did not want to go to class.  I was feeling rather blue after writing my last blog post and came very close to skipping class.  I decided to go to school after all and headed to town.  I have a 30 minute drive from home to school and it is sort of my self-therapy time.  Sometimes I blare music, I've cried a few times, etc., but I mostly use the time to think.  Today, I continued to think about my last post, particularly the bit about my tattoo and its unintentional significance (besides everything else it represents.)  I suddenly had a realization.  Of course my tattoo is on my back.  We all have our crosses to bear and this, THIS is my cross--both literally and figuratively.  I don't understand why I've been chosen for this particular mission, especially since I a few other things in my current or past life that are dark and traumatic.  However, this is it.  This is me.  Do with me what you will, Lord.  Just throw me a bone every now and then, okay?