An "Aha!" Moment

I received more paperwork in the mail today from a foster agency.  It spurred me to question, yet again, why it is that we are being led to adopt--and if that is truly the message we are supposed to receive.  Then, it hit me.  Of course we are meant to adopt.  You might ask what makes us so special, but I have a pretty firm idea of why.

My husband and I both had difficult childhoods.  Without going into specifics, I experienced a young life of neglect and my husband experienced abuse.  We came together at a young age (I was 17, my husband was 18) and clicked instantly.  I believe that we were given to each other at a point in our lives when we needed each other more than we could know.  As adults, we have been rejected by one facet of our biological families and have chosen to remove ourselves from another, for the sake of safety and sanity.

On the happier side of this story, we have also been accepted, nurtured, and loved by a family that is not biologically our own.  Also, we have also created our own, happy family within our home.  Our home is our sanctuary from the unjust and sad things in the world.  While we cannot keep all the bad out, we have a positive place where we can support and uplift each other.

Because of our experiences, I believe that we can relate to an adopted child.  More than likely, a child with whom we will be matched will have come from a situation similar to ours.  We have truly been adopted by a family that didn't necessarily have to accept us, let alone welcome us with open arms as their own.  We know that a family doesn't always mean that you are biologically related, but instead one that is open and loving--regardless of genetic makeup.

Planning

We received an application in the mail today for adoption through a foster care agency that is different than the one I spoke to a few days ago.  I decided to go ahead and fill it out to see how they work.  On the form, they have the choices of  foster care, adoption, and both.  That is reassuring to me.  The only hang-up with this particular agency, thus far, is that we would have to travel 30 minutes for the classes.

Also, I decided that over Thanksgiving break, I am going to begin preparations in our spare bedroom.  Right now, it is kind of a catch-all, so there is a lot that needs to be done.  I hope to get it painted and mostly cleaned out.  Then, over Christmas break, I will get more serious.  I want to look into purchasing a crib that coverts to a toddler bed.  Our ideal child to adopt would be an infant, but we are also going to look at children up to two years old--maybe three years old, depending on the situation.  If we have a crib, we can just take the front off and have a toddler bed.  I also need to find a dresser.  We have a nice rocker/recliner in our daughter's room that will need to be moved into that room (for rocking babies to sleep!).  I will go through our daughter's toys to get the younger ones out and into a tub in that room.

I have spoken with several people who have experience in the fostering/adoption world, and it is reassuring to have a great network and wealth of information.  I know we are going to have a million questions along the way and maybe need someone to hold our hand, so we are grateful for them all.

Wow

Today is a two-fer post day.  I've been listening to "For Those Who Wait," over and over lately.  I first put it on my blog while we were still hoping to get pregnant.  I've been concentrating on the lyrics and it hit me just now how exactly fitting it is for our situation.  Here are the lyrics.

This is for those who wait

Another day, another waiting game
A little different but it's still the same
I am here, but where's the one I'm longing for?
I'm having trouble feeling all alone
Will my heart ever find a home?
I want to hope but sometimes I just don't know
I know I'm not the only one

So we sing a lullaby to the lonely hearts tonight
Let it set your heart on fire, let it set you free
When you're fighting to believe
In a love that you can't see
Just know there is a purpose
For those who wait

I want to open up my eyes
I know that all I need is time
I'm growing stronger every single day
God, I'm going to lean into You now
Letting go of all my fear and doubt
I can't do this on my own so I'll give You control
I know I'm not the only one

The pressure makes us stronger
The struggle makes us hunger
The hard lessons make the difference
The pressure makes us stronger
The struggle makes us hunger
The hard lessons make the difference
And the difference makes it worth it

Frustration

I just received a call from the lady from the foster-to-adopt agency.  She explained to me that they are now requiring families who want to adopt to be strictly foster parents to start.  I asked her for how long, and she said it depends.  Then, she went on to tell me about a family who fostered a little boy for a year.  I told her that I wasn't sure that is something we are able and willing to do.  If we didn't already have our daughter, maybe it wouldn't matter as much.  However, I am not willing to have someone in her life (as a sibling) for a year and then have them removed.  We are also not willing to take children older than her.  Not only that, but it will take us even longer to adopt a child of our own if we have to foster for x amount of time.

The lady is sending us the information, but I feel so discouraged right now.  First, there is no way that we can afford an adoption through an agency or a private adoption, and now we may not be able to do fostering-to-adopt.  I just want to scream.

A Lady Who Knows

"I have been through a lot and have suffered a great deal. But I have had lots of happy moments, as well . . .The good, the bad, the hardship, the joy, the tragedy, love, and happiness, are all interwoven into one single indescribable whole that is called life. You cannot separate the good from the bad. And perhaps there is no need to do so, either." -Jackie Kennedy.

And So the Rollercoaster Ride Begins

I received a letter today from the adoption attorney, outlining her services and what to expect along the way.  She requires $5000 to be placed in a retainer account at the time that a birth mother is matched with the family.  She also charges $200 an hour and $50 an hour for her assistant.  We would be expected to pay some of the living and medical expenses of the birth mother up to six weeks after she has given birth.  In order to have more extensive information sent to us, we must respond with a $250 check.

Compared to working with an agency, her fees are next to nothing.  However, it is still a lot of money for us to just write a check for.  I don't know how we'd be able to do it, particularly knowing that the birth mother could back out at any time, leaving us with nothing to show for it.  We would lose all of our money in that case.

I feel like we've hit a brick wall and we are barely out of the starting gate.  I was so hopeful and excited before I read the letter.  ::sigh::

The First Step

After speaking to a woman who had a wonderful experience fostering-to-adopt in our area, we have decided to pursue it as well as private adoption.  Our hope is that by casting a wider net, we will be successful much sooner.

I sent an email to an adoption lawyer and a social worker.  I also sent an email to about 100 people and posted a link to my blog on Facebook.  I'm hoping that, very soon, we will find the child who was meant for us.

We appreciate all of the support we have received already.  I already have more hope and feel like we will have another child.