Today, fertilityfriend.com gave me solid cross hairs based on my morning temperatures. That means that it determined that I, indeed, ovulated. This time, we had great timing, so I'm trying to be optimistic.
My friend and pastor's message yesterday was on the need to pray unceasingly when something is terribly important to a person. I have been doing that quite a bit this cycle, but decided to make it essential to any quiet moment that I may have. This is our last active cycle (as I've said probably ten times, now...lol) trying to concieve until next summer. I'm trying to keep the faith and ask for a miracle to be given to us now.
Monday, October 18, 2010
Friday, October 15, 2010
October 15
Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. I know a lot of people who are 'coming out' with their miscarriages today, which is a major step for them in their healing process. I hope that they receive the support they have been missing! I have always been very open with my infertility and miscarriage, and it has been very comforting to me to have people to lean on. (Of course, it sometimes warrants inappropriate comments, but that can't be helped. Some people don't know what they are saying is hurtful.)
Tonight, I will be lighting a candle for the baby we lost a year ago at 7:00 pm, CST. I invite anyone who has lost a baby or is close to someone who has to do the same, in your own time zone. We will be contributing to the 'wave of light' that goes around the world in honor of our beautiful angels.
Tonight, I will be lighting a candle for the baby we lost a year ago at 7:00 pm, CST. I invite anyone who has lost a baby or is close to someone who has to do the same, in your own time zone. We will be contributing to the 'wave of light' that goes around the world in honor of our beautiful angels.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
One Year
One year ago today, a baby who was very much wanted was lost. We didn't know until four days later. Today was our daughter's fourth birthday party. We have several balloons, so I took one for our baby. I wrote on it, "We love you and miss you, Baby K," and set it free.
Tough times...
Tough times...
Friday, October 1, 2010
One More Cycle
I had my appointment with my OB this morning. I was very agitated before he came into the exam room, because I had to wait almost an hour to see him. I was already on edge because of my circumstances, so my hopes of having a good appointment were all but dashed. However, as the last time I visited with him, my OB made me change my tune right away. He is so personable and I can tell that he has paid attention to my chart and knows what is going on with me.
When he came in, he had a frown on his face. He said, "When I saw your name on the schedule, I was really hoping it was for happy reasons. When you left my office three months ago, I was sure that the next time I'd see you would be for your first prenatal appointment." He told me that my charts looked good and the progesterone draw I had done my first cycle back on Clomid show that I am ovulating. He told me that the next step could be doing a complete fertility workup on both my husband and me. He shook his head again and said that he didn't feel like we needed the scans since we've been pregnant twice--the first with no trouble conceiving whatsoever, but he would get me started on them if I wanted. He recommended that if we start any testing, to start with the sperm analysis since it is easy and relatively inexpensive.
I told him that our plan was to try for one more month, then take off until next summer to avoid having a baby in the middle of a semester. Then, we would like to try again for a few months. If we do not conceive, then we would like to proceed with adoption. I told him that, in my research, gluten-intolerance can lead to infertility and miscarriage, so I wonder if my body still needs time to heal before being able to support a pregnancy. He agreed that it was certainly a possibility. He told me about a patient who had one healthy pregnancy and then went on to lose two pregnancies toward the end of the first trimester. Her father was diagnosed with Celiac Disease, so she was also tested. She was positive and went on a gluten-free diet. He said that within a matter of months, she was pregnant--with twins, no less, and was able to carry them to term.
He said that our plan was a good one and that he didn't feel like he had contributed much to the conversation...lol. I told him the fact that he was there, shaking his head yes, was all I needed. Well, and a new Rx for more Clomid. :)
I have a little more hope than I did in the last couple of days. I don't want to get overly excited, because I know it is a good possibility that we will not become pregnant, but I'm glad to have a doctor who genuinely cares and wants us to succeed. When he handed me the Rx, he said, "This is it. I know this is it!" I hope he's right!
When he came in, he had a frown on his face. He said, "When I saw your name on the schedule, I was really hoping it was for happy reasons. When you left my office three months ago, I was sure that the next time I'd see you would be for your first prenatal appointment." He told me that my charts looked good and the progesterone draw I had done my first cycle back on Clomid show that I am ovulating. He told me that the next step could be doing a complete fertility workup on both my husband and me. He shook his head again and said that he didn't feel like we needed the scans since we've been pregnant twice--the first with no trouble conceiving whatsoever, but he would get me started on them if I wanted. He recommended that if we start any testing, to start with the sperm analysis since it is easy and relatively inexpensive.
I told him that our plan was to try for one more month, then take off until next summer to avoid having a baby in the middle of a semester. Then, we would like to try again for a few months. If we do not conceive, then we would like to proceed with adoption. I told him that, in my research, gluten-intolerance can lead to infertility and miscarriage, so I wonder if my body still needs time to heal before being able to support a pregnancy. He agreed that it was certainly a possibility. He told me about a patient who had one healthy pregnancy and then went on to lose two pregnancies toward the end of the first trimester. Her father was diagnosed with Celiac Disease, so she was also tested. She was positive and went on a gluten-free diet. He said that within a matter of months, she was pregnant--with twins, no less, and was able to carry them to term.
He said that our plan was a good one and that he didn't feel like he had contributed much to the conversation...lol. I told him the fact that he was there, shaking his head yes, was all I needed. Well, and a new Rx for more Clomid. :)
I have a little more hope than I did in the last couple of days. I don't want to get overly excited, because I know it is a good possibility that we will not become pregnant, but I'm glad to have a doctor who genuinely cares and wants us to succeed. When he handed me the Rx, he said, "This is it. I know this is it!" I hope he's right!
Thursday, September 30, 2010
CD 1
Unfortunately, I had another negative pregnancy test this morning. That was followed by spotting and some cramping. If CD 1 isn't today, it is sure to be tomorrow.
I have an appointment with my OB tomorrow to try something other than Clomid, but I'm not sure how much we'll proceed. This will be the last cycle we try to get pregnant until July 2011. I'm very sad about that, but I know it is for the best.
My husband and I discussed adoption again this morning. He wants to have another baby, for sure, regardless of how the child comes to us. I told him that it is a real possibility that adoption may be our only option. He is fine with that, but at what point do we proceed?
At this point, I think I'd like to try again next summer, just for a last go at it. I've only been gluten-free for three months at this point, so perhaps my body isn't healed enough yet to carry a pregnancy. Maybe it will have been healed enough by then. If we do not concieve successfully next summer, we will more than likely procced with attempting a private adoption.
Have I said that I hate this process with a passion? I do. I truly, truly do.
I have an appointment with my OB tomorrow to try something other than Clomid, but I'm not sure how much we'll proceed. This will be the last cycle we try to get pregnant until July 2011. I'm very sad about that, but I know it is for the best.
My husband and I discussed adoption again this morning. He wants to have another baby, for sure, regardless of how the child comes to us. I told him that it is a real possibility that adoption may be our only option. He is fine with that, but at what point do we proceed?
At this point, I think I'd like to try again next summer, just for a last go at it. I've only been gluten-free for three months at this point, so perhaps my body isn't healed enough yet to carry a pregnancy. Maybe it will have been healed enough by then. If we do not concieve successfully next summer, we will more than likely procced with attempting a private adoption.
Have I said that I hate this process with a passion? I do. I truly, truly do.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
12 DPO
I took a pregnancy test this morning at 12 DPO. I wasn't expecting much, but there is always a tingle of excitement that I try to stifle. Unfortunately, the test was negative. It may still be too early, but I'm not holding out much hope...particularly since AF showed on what would have been 10 DPO last cycle.
Ho hum. I have an appointment on Friday morning to visit with my doctor about other options. We only have one more cycle before we stop actively trying until next summer.
Ho hum. I have an appointment on Friday morning to visit with my doctor about other options. We only have one more cycle before we stop actively trying until next summer.
Friday, September 24, 2010
The Two Week Wait
"The two week wait," is killing me. My temperatures were not looking very good, but then I had a nice jump this morning. I'm trying not to get my hopes up, because I know there is a very real possiblity that my period will show in a week or less.
I made a consultation appointment with my OB for October 1st, yesterday. I figure he'll want to see me at the beginning of my next cycle in case testing needs to be done on certain days. I hope, hope, hope that I get to cancel it because I am pregnant, but I wanted to be prepared. I'm not sure how we will proceed if I am not pregnant, as we will probably stop actively trying to concieve after my next cycle. I don't know how we would be able to manage with me having a baby in the middle of a semester, so we will take another break. I'll be sad about it, but I know that is probably what is best for the long run.
I need a miracle!
I made a consultation appointment with my OB for October 1st, yesterday. I figure he'll want to see me at the beginning of my next cycle in case testing needs to be done on certain days. I hope, hope, hope that I get to cancel it because I am pregnant, but I wanted to be prepared. I'm not sure how we will proceed if I am not pregnant, as we will probably stop actively trying to concieve after my next cycle. I don't know how we would be able to manage with me having a baby in the middle of a semester, so we will take another break. I'll be sad about it, but I know that is probably what is best for the long run.
I need a miracle!
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