Prayer on the Radio

I set my car radio to scan (I do this often) when I couldn't find any good music playing this afternoon on my way home. I heard the word "infertility" and my ears pricked up, so I selected the station and listened. It was the Christian radio station. As soon as I stopped on their station, they said, "I just know there is a woman listening right now, struggling with infertility. Let's pray for her." They went on to ask for strength for that woman and for God to open her womb. They said they knew she was felt she was being punished and questioning herself.  I was crying in my car (and again posting this now), because it felt like they were praying for me.

Service Flag

You may have noticed that I added a new picture to my blog. It is a one star service flag in honor of my youngest brother. Today, he deploys to Afghanistan. He is in the infantry of the Marines and will be in very dangerous situations. I am afraid for him and also sad that he will have to see and do scary things while there.

The service flag will fly until he returns home--safely.

What If

What IF from Keiko Zoll on Vimeo.

On This Day, God Wants You to Know

I know these things are totally random and can probably apply to just about anyone, but they always seem to hit home for me.  This was mine for today:

On this day, God wants you to know

... that decision is only wishful thinking until you take that first irreversible step. You can tell yourself that you have already decided, that nothing now can stop you, but if that step backwards is so much safer than step forwards, what will hold you true to your path when the going gets tough? Sometimes, the right thing to do is to take that first irreversible step, the one after which you cannot go back. And now, for you, is one of those times.

Pressing On

My heart still isn't completely in it, but I am resolving to finish everything in our paperwork this week.  I am getting my TB test injection later this afternoon.  The only thing I won't have completed will be first aid certification, but the next class will not be until mid-April, so there isn't much I can do about it.

I've taken a bit of a deep breath over the porch situation.  I surveyed people's porches as I drove through our town yesterday, and well over half of them do not have any type of railing around them.  One of them is a state-licensed daycare (ie: their house also has to be licensed by the health department) and their porch is just as high off the ground as ours.  We will install handrails, probably sometime this week, but I'm no longer going to panic about the rest of the porch.  We still want to get it finished soon, but we will shop around to get the best deal.

Nothing New

I haven't been able to bring myself to do any more about adoption.  I'm still feel pretty bummed about it and doing paperwork or something else related just makes me feel more disappointed--like all the work may be in vain.  I'm probably just being whiny, but it is a tough place to be.  I hope to find a glimmer of hope somewhere soon.

Our social worker will be making another visit on March 31.

Sour Grapes

From Grapes of Wrath: “Strange things happen . . . some bitterly cruel and some so beautiful that faith is refired forever.”


I'm waiting on my faith the be 'refired forever' right now.  I haven't felt motivated to work on the baby bedding or do much else related to adoption since our last visit.  It just depresses me at this point.  I hate what this whole mess (from the beginning with IF) has done to my faith.  I try to be positive and hopeful, but we just keep getting kicked in the teeth.