Wishy-Washy

I think I can officially say that we will not be pursuing adoption again until after I graduate in December 2012.  I feel mostly at peace with it right now, which is really all I can ask at this point.

In the meantime, we'll probably go back to TTC in a couple of months.  I need to have my annual exam (still) and at that time, we'll discuss using fertility meds again.  I imagine I'll be on Clomid again since my cycles are still all over the place, despite being gluten-free for over a year.  We will wait until March-ish so that if there is a chance for me to get pregnant, I wouldn't be due until after I graduate.

Despite going back and forth on plans and feelings, I feel strangely content with everything right now.  Our daughter is very independent and relatively easy.  Adding a new baby to the mix while I try to finish school would make things much more difficult.  I haven't given up hope that we will have another baby someday soon, whether it be biologically or through adoption, but I feel okay with the waiting...for today.  :)

Reminder

Another Delay

Unfortunately, being an adult means making difficult decisions.  With the way things are going, it looks like our plans to adopt will be put on hold until I graduate...a year from now.

We've been a one-income family for five years and have steadily been doing better, financially.  My husband had a part-time job that helped pick up the slack more than we knew--until that job was no more.  He worked part-time on his days off from his full-time job.  His part-time employer, however, decided to hire another full-time person, which essentially eliminated the need for part-time help.  He still gets on-call time, but that pays a whopping $1/hour unless he gets called out to work.

Therefore, in the past several months, we've literally been living paycheck to paycheck and, most of the time, just short of it.  Yesterday, we had to move some money around to get through the weekend.  On my drive home from school, while processing the reality of our situation, I realized that adoption is going to have to go on the back burner.

Even if someone were to write us a check for all of the adoption costs, no birth mother is going to choose us due to our lack of financial stability at this point.  A lawyer probably wouldn't allow us to go through the process.

I'm very, very sad about this.  I feel like it is all my fault since I am in school, which prevents me from working.  (Or, I could get a part-time job and never see my family).  There aren't many jobs that are willing to work around my husband's schedule for part-time hours (for him OR me).

I don't know where to go from here.  Maybe we aren't meant to have any other children at all.

Christmas Break

Christmas break is a mere two and a half weeks away.  I'm anxiously awaiting my month off from school for many reasons, including the obvious month off from school.  This semester has tried my patience and my ability to keep up on things more than I would prefer.  Thankfully, next semester will be a lighter load and my last as an in-class college student (for now, anyway).  The following semester will be spent student-teaching, which means that I will be graduating a year from now.  (WWWWWOOOOOOOTTTTT!)

Another big reason I'm anticipating the break is because a lot of that time will be devoted to getting serious about a private adoption.  We will be contacting lawyers who specialize in private adoptions, working on the house to get it home-visit ready, finishing the crib set, and putting together our adoption portfolio.  It seems scary right now, but I know everything we've gone through and have yet to experience will be more than worth it when we hold our child.

I may not have any updates between now and mid-December due to final projects and prepping for tests, but I'm sure I will be blogging rapidly during Christmas break.

Hang on...this may be a bumpy ride!

Another Loss

A couple of weeks ago, after some greatly extended bleeding, I had a realization--I had another miscarriage.  This time, it had to have been too early to know, which is a blessing, if there is one to be had in this situation.

I have been mostly numb about it--no real feelings either way.  I had a few misty-eyed moments, but I've handled it fairly well.  I'm choosing to believe that it is yet another sign that we are meant to adopt.

Christmas Letter (password protected)

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God: "In Case You Didn't Hear Me..."

In the last week or so, I have been inundated by all things adoption.

First, I contacted a pregnancy crisis center that also facilitates private adoptions.  We have their initial application sitting on our dining room table now.  They charge $500 for their processing fee, which I thought was reasonable, considering others we have researched. 

After posting a happy status on Facebook regarding our newfound information, I was contacted by three people with additional resources and/or advice.  One lady recently adopted and is a wealth of knowledge and contacts.  She knows of a couple of lawyers in a nearby city who do not charge to be on their "list," and another who charges $250.  She also had some great tips on how to navigate the system and offered to help in anyway she can.  Another has worked with various lawyers and is happy to help. Yet another offered the name of a person who has helped with adoptions and is gathering more information for us.  Also, my mom may have found a company that will match up to $2500 for us if we do a fund-raiser.

In the last two days, I attended a leadership training course.  I talked to one person about our desire to adopt and he pointed me toward the president of the organization who adopted two of his children.  I'm going to email him and get his perspective on things.

Tonight, I talked to someone to get ideas about fund-raising and she is going to dream up some things for us.  We were also told that we have access to a personal loan if a situation comes out of the blue before we have funds secured.

In sum, I think it is very clear that we are to adopt.  I don't think God could be any clearer in what His purpose is for us if He were standing in front of us, yelling.  And maybe He is.

So, in the next few months, we will be gathering information and resources and setting up a real game-plan.  We will figure out the best people to sign up with and then start to gather/raise funds.  A private adoption will cost us about $6000, so we have an uphill battle in that aspect.  I know that things will fall into place if this is truly what we are meant to do, though, so I'm trying not to worry too much about the money.

Please respond with any ideas that you may have.  We can use all the help we can get and any and all ideas will be greatly appreciated.  Thank you!