Today, we should be celebrating our baby's first birthday. Instead, we will be honoring Baby May's memory. Last year, I planted a raspberry bush and released a balloon to mark the occasion. I just checked the bush yesterday and it is growing very nicely. There are a couple of blooms, which means at least two berries. :) I want to do something symbolic again, but I'm not sure what. My husband and I will be going to breakfast while our daughter is in preschool, so it will be nice to have a moment alone to remember.
I'm not sure how I feel. I am swamped with finals and end-of-school-year activities, so I haven't had much time to think. There is some hope that a year from now, things will be much different. Then again, I look over the past 2+ years and it makes me feel exhausted and defeated. I hadn't cried in a long time, that is, until I looked at the scrapbook page I made for Baby May. It brought the feelings back that had somewhat dulled over time. Our daughter is having a hard time being an only child lately. She desperately wants a sibling and has cried about it a couple of times. She asked why the social worker "won't let us have a baby brother or sister," so I had to explain to her that fostering/adoption is simply too hard for us right now.
One thing is certain--we will never forget Baby May. What a huge impact you have had on us, angel baby!
"You and I now, it can be alright. Just hold onto what we know is true. You and I now, though it's cold inside, feel the tide turning."
1 comment:
((HUGS))
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