My Story on facesofloss.com

http://www.facesofloss.com/2010/09/sylvia-mom-to-baby-k-lost-on.html

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Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope

Entering the Two Week Wait

According to my chart, I ovulated yesterday.  That means I have two weeks before I either get a positive pregnancy test or my period.  I'm not sure what is worse--waiting to ovulate, or waiting for (more than likely) AF.  Either way, I'm very impatient!

Never Forget

Eleven Months

Eleven months ago, we were on our way home from vacation in Colorado.  We'd had a great time and enjoyed the trip as our last vacation of a family of 3.  I was overjoyed at the thought of being pregnant after struggling with secondary infertility.  I had no idea that the baby we wished and prayed for had passed away.  Two days later was my daughter's third birthday.  I talked about my pregnancy and got many congratulations.  Two days after that, I started bleeding.  I went to my doctor for what should have been my first OB appointment.  I had a sonogram and it was determined that our baby did not have a heart beat.  Late that night, I began to miscarry naturally.  The next morning I had another sonogram and was told I would need a D&C.  That day also happened to be my birthday.

Also, a year ago today, I got my BFP.  (Big fat positive...pregnancy test).  09/09/09 is a hard date to forget.  I told my husband two days later on 9/11 so that he would have something to celebrate instead of (only) feeling sad about the WTC/FDNY.

Today is a somber, sad day for me.  I'm struggling with these 'milestones' more than I imagined that I would.

A Beautiful Quote

From time to time, I come across things that are comforting or inspiring and I like to share them here on my blog.  While searching for a quote about infant loss, I found this.  It made me cry in the computer lab of my university, but I thought it was too beautiful not to post--all over the interwebz.  LOL.

"They say that time in heaven is compared to 'the blink of an eye' for us on this earth. Sometimes it helps me to think of my child running ahead of me through a beautiful field of wildflowers and butterflies; so happy and completely caught up in what she is doing that when she looks behind her, I'll already be there."

No May Baby

AF decided to make an early appearance today.  I started spotting last night, but today there is no doubt.  Today would have been CD 26, which is at least 4 days early for me.  I'm a bit disappointed, but at the same time, I'm looking forward to this new cycle.  As my friend pointed out, going gluten-free may be straightening my body out, which would cause AF to come in a timely manner.

This will be my last cycle with Clomid, I assume.  My doctor said we'd try Clomid at 100 mg for 3 cycles and then move on to something else.  This is cycle #3.  Oy.