A Month of Anniversaries

December marks a lot of things for most people.  Namely, Christmas and New Year's Eve.  We also have two anniversaries this month.  One good, one a bit discouraging.

First, my husband and I started dating 9 years ago on December 12th.  (Don't ask me how I remember that date!)  I was a junior in high school, he was a senior.  We've been through so much in our near-decade together and we are nothing but stronger as a couple.  I am so thankful for that!

December also marks one year of trying to have another baby.  It is hard to believe that a year ago, I had no clue where our journey to try to have another baby would take us.  Crazy how life changes.

A Small Victory

Yesterday, "Aunt Flo" made an appearance.  I don't think I've ever had such strong, mixed feelings about a normal body function.  The good, obviously, is that my body is, hopefully, back on track and we have the potential to get pregnant again this month.  On the flip side, the last time I felt like this, I was miscarrying--that brings up some unpleasant memories.  I'm trying not to dwell too much on that fact, though, and am looking forward ad the positive.





...okay, so Christmas might be pushing it to get a BFP (Big Fat Postive), but one can hope, right?  :)

Like a Punch in the Gut

If you have read my whole blog, then you already know some of this, but I'll re-tell the details anyway.

I was taking Provera when I was very newly pregnant with the baby we lost.  However, I did not know that I was pregnant at the time.  I took a test before starting the medication and it was negative.  I made the mistake of taking the test in the middle of the afternoon instead of the morning, though.  (It is recommended to test first thing in the morning when the hormone level is in highest concentration).  I was just positive there was no way I was pregnant.  Afterall, I had a huge cyst on my ovary and my temperatures were crazy.  I took Provera for 10 days and then waited for my period to arrive.  11 days later, I was still waiting and took another pregnancy test--it was positive.  I was thrilled, but at the same time terrified since I had been taking the Provera.  My OB's nurse assured me that everything would be fine.  Obviously that was not the case.

Then, tonight, I was reading about Provera again.  I came across this information, and now can't shake the sick feeling I have in my stomach.  It makes me feel like I caused the loss of our baby.

Provera should never be taken during pregnancy. Avoid it if you even suspect you're pregnant. Doctors once prescribed Provera as a test for pregnancy, but no longer do so for 2 reasons:

• Quicker, safer pregnancy tests are now available.
• If you are in fact pregnant, Provera might injure the baby.

Similarly, Provera used to be given to try to prevent miscarriage. However, doctors now believe that this treatment is not only ineffective but also potentially harmful to the baby.

You should never take Provera during the first 4 months of pregnancy. During this formative period, even a few days of treatment with Provera might put your unborn baby at increased risk for birth defects. If you take Provera and later discover that you were pregnant when you took it, discuss this with your doctor right away.

Day #8

Two more days of Provera.  Bring it on!  I'm so ready.  In the meantime, while my body sits idle, here is a Calvin and Hobbes cartoon that sums the feelings of miscarriage up.  A lady on a message board I frequent has it in her 'signature,' and I just had to put it up here:

Quote

While searching for an inspirational quote for some graphic-design work, I came across this from Mother Theresa.  I couldn't pass putting it up on my blog:

"I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much." ~Mother Teresa

Starting Over

This morning, I took a pregnancy test.  I wasn't expecting anything but a negative result, and I was right.  While a bit disappointing, it is for the better.  My body has had 6 weeks to recover and will have couple more weeks yet before the potential to get pregnant again is there.  I took a test in order to move on and start my Provera (to start a period).  Today was Day #1, and I have to take it for 10 days.  I'm sooo ready to get my body back on track and start officially trying again.

Trying to Decide

A week from today, I get to call for an Rx for Provera to get my body jump started.  (That is, if my period doesn't show up between then and now...but I'm not holding my breath!)  I've been taking the herbs Dong Quai and Vitex for about a month now.  I've read that it can take a couple of months for them to take effect, but I'm getting tired of taking a handful of pills everyday, twice a day to no avail.  Yes, I'm being impatient!  LOL.  I just can't wait to get my body back on track.  In the meantime, I'm trying to lay low on other things.  I stopped taking my temperature and keeping track of every little thing.  It is still constantly on my mind, though, so it isn't like I'm relaxing about it.  *Le sigh*

Anyway...those are my ramblings for tonight.  :)